Week 9.

Just one more treatment before our chemo break. I cannot wait, and I’m sure that J would say the same if I actually told him a break was coming.

Another port access. Another fight (to include swinging arms and pushing off the bed). Today he got himself worked up enough that he puked before he even made it to the room for accessing. The Ativan hasn’t worked two weeks in a row, so we’re upping the dosage. It barely seems to touch him (no tiredness, no loopiness). We’re hopeful, yet we know that it’s possible he’ll just continue to worsen with his anxiety. We just don’t want a zombie-esque kid drugged up, either.

We missed having Rob, our primary nurse, today, but otherwise his care was more of the same. The initial fight/anxiety, playing games during his wait and infusion, another puking episode in the midst of it all, and then home we came.

Today, I finally asked for help from our social worker. Rebecca is the sweetest woman ever, and you would have thought she’d won the lottery when I finally said I was caving and asking for the help she’s been trying to give. Those of you who REALLY know me know that giving up control and asking for help are so very, very hard for me. But, I did it, and it’s actually a small relief.

What isn’t a relief, unfortunately, is J’s labwork. His hemoglobin continues to drop (he’s now under 8), and his ANC is a whopping 62. He has a new filtered mask on its way (yay for Prime!) so we don’t have to be homebodies, but I would rather be proactive and would REALLY love to stay out of the hospital (a fever would admit him without a second thought). He has rebounded well in his past cycles, so we are hopeful he rebounds just as well from this week to next week’s count-dependent treatment. I was told 750 is the magic number (I’d previously thought it was 1,000) BUT that’s only if everything else looks good and he is still his normal, active self. Otherwise, due to hemoglobin levels, he’d possibly be up for a transfusion vs treatment (whether packed RBCs or whole blood, I don’t know).

So, it’s just one big mess. Highs and lows…. within the week, within the day, even within the hours.

We also walked out with his appointment for his mid-treatment scan.

August 3rd.

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